Snails move faster...
... Than my divorce. I'm still married to Himself, and not really enjoying it, since no bugger can spell my name unless I use my maiden name for stuff. It's really quite annoying that I have to wait to be divorced before I can go back to my maiden name and get rid of his officially, unless I do a change of name thing that will cost me money I don't have.
Sad to say, I still think about him a lot, and sometimes I get really morose when I realise just how little I really meant to him. I've not seen or heard from him since October, since he decided not to reply to any text messages. It's sad to look back over my marriage and see how foolish I was to think that I might mean something in his life rather than just being part of the furniture that did the housework when I could be bothered. I stopped bothering when I realised that I was working a 39 hour week to his average 36 hours, and I was the one expected to do all the housework on my days off, since his days off were "rest days" when he did naff all (same as all the other ones really).
I do wonder why he bothered to say that he cared about me, that he still loved me, why he bothered to kiss and hug me in the back garden of the house when I went to pick things up, unless of course it was his mercenary way of getting me to be nice and not make any financial claims on him. I've seen his "care and concern" in the last months with him not bothering to contact me, despite being told he could if he wanted (The text, sent a couple of days after yet another he didn't reply to read: "I take it you're too busy for a chat as usual. Will go back to speaking via the solicitor. Am seeing him soon so you may hear something about that at some point from yours. Want to get all this sorted and the settlement out the way sooner rather than later. You know how to contact me if you want, but I'm too skint to keep talking to myself via text or being the one to phone and being told you're too busy etc. Bye. M") That was on the 5th November last year following a text on the 3rd that didn't get replied to, and previously only contacting him via text on the 15th September and a call on the 11th October, so I wasn't really harrassing him. You'll note that all texts and calls start from me, and I really am too skint to keep phoning and texting him and getting nothing in reply. He knows how to contact me if he wants, but not a thing has been heard either from him or his solicitor.
Now, there's another thing: A letter went out to his solicitor on the 5th December with a couple of requests and an offer for them to read the particulars of my divorce petition if they wanted before it was submitted to the courts. Not a thing has been heard from them on any of the contents of the letter. You can bet that he knows about the letter, but is ignoring it, the same as he does all the rest of his mail. It's over a year since all this started, so he's probably lost interest, just the same as he lost interest in the marriage after a few months.
I'm losing interest as well: I'm losing the interest I had in being amicable and trying to be reasonable about things, taking his thoughts and feelings into account with most of the things I've done in the way of solicitors and stuff. Well, to be honest, now I really can't be bothered playing nice person, since he's not even interested enough in how I am to be bothered texting to see if I'm ok. I'm not, as it happens, and I still see a shrink and consider stupid things in the dark hours I spend on my own. I'm not going for sympathy, just telling it like it is.
The sooner I get over that man, the better it will be for me, however for some pathetic reason or another, it's proving difficult. I just hope that any future partner of my continuing, unwanted husband is forewarned about his violence, because frankly, I don't want anyone else to have to go through the hell that my life has been, and still is. I've had to put up with this for years, and even have to put up with the nightmares and fears when I've been away from him for over a year. Imagine what that would do to someone who doesn't have a shrink less than 5 minutes from their house and a decent network of friends who have been a great support to me.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, my cat is fine following a bout of the cold that neccessitated him having antibiotics, and the hamsters are just the same as usual. The Bear is currently sleeping while I steal time on his mobile internet and I'm about to look for somewhere cheaper to live, since I really can't afford this place any longer.
Ho hum... Fingers crossed that something positive happens... You never know, himself might climb down off his high and mighty perch to talk to me, but I wouldn't hold your breath for that. The only person he really cares about is himself. He describes himself as caring, considerate, chatty and everything else if you look him up on the net (some dating site memberships predate my leaving him despite him claiming I was the unfaithful one, even with his permission... Go figure...) and to be honest I found him ignorant, boorish, uncaring, unwilling to discuss anything, perfectly willing to misconstrue anything to make him the little martyr, and frankly, a waste of fresh air. Why then do I still bother, care and love him? Lord the lone knows, and if anyone has a decent reason why, please let me know, either by reply to this or written in pencil on the back of a used ten pound note...
Cheers all, till next time x
Sad to say, I still think about him a lot, and sometimes I get really morose when I realise just how little I really meant to him. I've not seen or heard from him since October, since he decided not to reply to any text messages. It's sad to look back over my marriage and see how foolish I was to think that I might mean something in his life rather than just being part of the furniture that did the housework when I could be bothered. I stopped bothering when I realised that I was working a 39 hour week to his average 36 hours, and I was the one expected to do all the housework on my days off, since his days off were "rest days" when he did naff all (same as all the other ones really).
I do wonder why he bothered to say that he cared about me, that he still loved me, why he bothered to kiss and hug me in the back garden of the house when I went to pick things up, unless of course it was his mercenary way of getting me to be nice and not make any financial claims on him. I've seen his "care and concern" in the last months with him not bothering to contact me, despite being told he could if he wanted (The text, sent a couple of days after yet another he didn't reply to read: "I take it you're too busy for a chat as usual. Will go back to speaking via the solicitor. Am seeing him soon so you may hear something about that at some point from yours. Want to get all this sorted and the settlement out the way sooner rather than later. You know how to contact me if you want, but I'm too skint to keep talking to myself via text or being the one to phone and being told you're too busy etc. Bye. M") That was on the 5th November last year following a text on the 3rd that didn't get replied to, and previously only contacting him via text on the 15th September and a call on the 11th October, so I wasn't really harrassing him. You'll note that all texts and calls start from me, and I really am too skint to keep phoning and texting him and getting nothing in reply. He knows how to contact me if he wants, but not a thing has been heard either from him or his solicitor.
Now, there's another thing: A letter went out to his solicitor on the 5th December with a couple of requests and an offer for them to read the particulars of my divorce petition if they wanted before it was submitted to the courts. Not a thing has been heard from them on any of the contents of the letter. You can bet that he knows about the letter, but is ignoring it, the same as he does all the rest of his mail. It's over a year since all this started, so he's probably lost interest, just the same as he lost interest in the marriage after a few months.
I'm losing interest as well: I'm losing the interest I had in being amicable and trying to be reasonable about things, taking his thoughts and feelings into account with most of the things I've done in the way of solicitors and stuff. Well, to be honest, now I really can't be bothered playing nice person, since he's not even interested enough in how I am to be bothered texting to see if I'm ok. I'm not, as it happens, and I still see a shrink and consider stupid things in the dark hours I spend on my own. I'm not going for sympathy, just telling it like it is.
The sooner I get over that man, the better it will be for me, however for some pathetic reason or another, it's proving difficult. I just hope that any future partner of my continuing, unwanted husband is forewarned about his violence, because frankly, I don't want anyone else to have to go through the hell that my life has been, and still is. I've had to put up with this for years, and even have to put up with the nightmares and fears when I've been away from him for over a year. Imagine what that would do to someone who doesn't have a shrink less than 5 minutes from their house and a decent network of friends who have been a great support to me.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, my cat is fine following a bout of the cold that neccessitated him having antibiotics, and the hamsters are just the same as usual. The Bear is currently sleeping while I steal time on his mobile internet and I'm about to look for somewhere cheaper to live, since I really can't afford this place any longer.
Ho hum... Fingers crossed that something positive happens... You never know, himself might climb down off his high and mighty perch to talk to me, but I wouldn't hold your breath for that. The only person he really cares about is himself. He describes himself as caring, considerate, chatty and everything else if you look him up on the net (some dating site memberships predate my leaving him despite him claiming I was the unfaithful one, even with his permission... Go figure...) and to be honest I found him ignorant, boorish, uncaring, unwilling to discuss anything, perfectly willing to misconstrue anything to make him the little martyr, and frankly, a waste of fresh air. Why then do I still bother, care and love him? Lord the lone knows, and if anyone has a decent reason why, please let me know, either by reply to this or written in pencil on the back of a used ten pound note...
Cheers all, till next time x
posted by Me at 8:54 pm
2 Comments:
You know what I think you'd be brilliant at (at least part-time)? Nannying. Kids can be awful screaming piles of annoying, but there is something to be said for hanging around doing arts and crafts for the day.
I'm sort of doing that already with the local theatre, since I sew a LOT for them and the panto is all kids. Mind you, I don't get paid for it, but it gets me out the house once a week (well, three times since we're coming up to a performance at the mo, but back to once a week after) plus in this country you need six million qualifications to nanny or even hang out with kids... Bloody beurocracy...
Good idea though, and I suppose after my marriage I'm used to screaming piles of annoying...
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