Oh Hell…
I had a long blog typed, but can’t be arsed. Paul is a thorn in my side, and frankly is talking a load of shit and most of it is the pot calling the kettle black.
If he’s going to complain and bitch, he should at least make sure he’s not doing worse first.
If he wants the garage key back, he can phone me and ask for it. He knows not to get his solicitor to write to mine, because I tend not to get those messages. He’s wasting his money, but that’s his call. I’ve already told him this, but he seems content to keep paying his solicitor to chase mine when he’s been told more than once that mine has a huge caseload, and isn’t going to speed up anything just for Paul and his snotty solicitor (OK, so it’s her secretary that was snotty to me on the phone, but you get the idea).
If he wants to complain about not being able to put stuff in the garage, he shouldn’t tell me that everything is in there so that I believe it’s OK for me to keep the key, as he won’t need it.
If he wants to complain about me not speaking till the end of Beltring and then after, he should replay in his mind the conversation where I told him that I wanted to speak, but the Bear stopped me saying that Paul probably didn’t want to speak to me. I spoke to Paul on the Tuesday when we got there, but got scowled at, and then blanked, so there you go. I made an attempt. He should also remember telling me that he didn’t want to speak to me anyway, and the strained “hi” was the only word he said he could possibly say to me there, and that was on the last night of the show. He managed to talk to me fine when it was wasting my phone credit however.
If he wants to complain about the content of any of my conversations at Beltring, let him. He’s probably referring to the conversation where I said I had quadrupled the number of times I’d had sex at Beltring, because in 7 years, he only managed to do it once (with me at least). I wasn’t aware he was in earshot or I would have said nothing, and Bear and I were very circumspect about our physical contact with each other at Beltring so as not to rub Paul’s nose in it, unlike some people who were busy eating a “model’s” face off in front of me. (She’s not a model. She’s just a wannabe)
If he wants to complain about me spending time under canvas with the Bear, he shouldn’t spend a “long time” in his tent with some bird at Beltring and shouldn’t have a “fat brunette” (direct quote from a friend of mine who was there, and someone else asked if she was his mother…) in his tent at his latest off road meet. He also shouldn’t have women (single, married… It seems he’s not fussy) round the house all the time, or be round seeing other women most nights he’s free. At least I’m sticking to one bloke, not shagging my way through the entire male population of my local area. I have nothing to prove.
If he wants to play coy about his sex life, let him, because people speak to me. They actually like me, and tell me things without prompting or me digging for information. I’ve heard enough about his sex life to keep me wondering WHY I would still take him back. Since leaving Paul, I’ve begun to think he needs to start looking at his friends and working out why, if they’re his friends, they tell me all this stuff. Also, if they’re his friends, why am I being told they’d rather have me around than him? Some have even said they only put up with him because of me, and I’m not just talking about my friends in Wales either. If he shut up about trains and work, not forgetting how much better he is at everything than everyone else, people might actually like him rather than him being the butt of jokes. For some reason, I’d like to try to re-educate him, but that’s because I’m a nice person, and it’s not nice to think he classes some people as friends, and they are just laughing behind his back. I did my share of that however, but I have a right, since husbands and wives make fun of each other occasionally.
If he wants to complain about the Bear, he can go right ahead. It’s no skin off Bear’s nose. He didn’t run off with me though and we had a perfectly good relationship forming while I still lived with Paul. That relationship with Bear was fine as it was. I didn’t need to (or want to) leave home, because I was happy with the way things were (I left purely because of the violence, not the Bear), and besides, leaving meant I had nowhere to go as Bear lives with his family. Paul should also remember that HE was the one that said I could get it elsewhere and that it was OK for me to have a relationship with the Bear.
If he wants to keep deluding himself that he is not at fault for me leaving, let him. He said he had been for counselling to deal with his temper problems, and if that were the case, his counsellor would have got him to admit his problem and the results of it (bruises and a nearly broken neck for me…). He would be able to face facts rather than living in an airy-fairy land.
If he wants to threaten me with a restraining order ten days after I had stopped speaking to him, let him try. I will respond with a libel suit for him calling me a stalker when I had left it to him to contact me and apologised for being keen about speaking to him.
If he wants to complain that one minute he’s the “Spawn of Satan” and the next minute I love him and want to continue the marriage, perhaps he has a lot to learn about love. (look it up petal… www.dictionary.com). I do still love him, but he’s got a nasty habit of doing things to hurt me, so he shouldn’t be too surprised that I call him names sometimes.
If he wants to compare our situation with that of my previous relationship, he should remember that D never lifted a finger to me, just to the furniture. He should also remember that I binned D because of his temper (a possible similarity there…) and D stayed in the house for a couple of weeks after, but I left Paul in a hurry. If it had been planned, I wouldn’t be sitting here working out how and when to fetch the remainder of my belongings. I’d have cleared the house of everything of mine when I went.
If he wants to accuse me of stealing paperwork, he’s more than welcome to send an impartial representative round here to search for it. No paperwork was thrown out or stolen by either the Bear or myself. It was put on shelves or beside his computer, if he cares to actually look for it. If he’s referring to the V5 for one of the vehicles, then I’ve not seen that since last August. He’d filled it out in his name for a vehicle that was supposed to be mine, and it was sat next to his computer monitor on a pile of other papers
If he wants to make accusations, comments and threats, he should not be such a coward and learn to say it to me directly rather than backstabbing me via his blog. (Yep, I just called you out Paul. Be a man and bring it on. If you raise a hand to me one more time, you’ll be locked up quicker than I can say: “mince”). He had the chance to air his grievances at Beltring, and since then, but he’s just whined in print on his blog.
If he wants to keep being the victim in everything, that’s his choice, not a way he HAS to live.
So why do I care? Well, it’s hard not to after being with him so long. He says he wants a settled life. Perhaps that’s all I want too. I’d love to have a settled life, but while I have all this mental garbage kicking around in my head, I’m not going to get one.
I think I’ll go get on with sewing. I have lots to do and can’t spend my entire life wrapped up in issues that Paul keeps dragging up. He wants a settled life, but then claims stalking and harassment and threatens restraining orders. He wants a settled life, but goads my best mate by accusing her of “help(ing) her (my) screaming inner demons” when all she’s done is comfort me, talk to me and actually encouraged me to try to sort out my marriage when he beat me black and blue. I was willing to sort it for the record. Paul didn’t seem interested. He wants a settled life, but while there is the possibility that I might decide to stop playing nice and go back to the police and continue the process started in Andover (The police wanted to follow it up then, but I was being too nice for my own good), then he’s not going to get one. He wants a settled life, but just opened himself up to prosecution for libel.
If he wants a settled life, he’s going to have to learn to play nice and stop blaming everyone else for something that’s entirely his fault. I would like a settled life, but ain’t going to get it while he’s being like this. We both want a settled life, so why not give each other what we both seem to need: explanations, answers, communication and above all understanding. I’m ready to listen, but it’s never been one of his strong points.
At the moment it seems to me that I am his only true friend (not counting his relatives), as I still like and love the Paul I married. Sadly that Paul has been covered by the violent wife-beater he became. He still dons his shining armour to help damsels in distress, but that’s only to play “hero” to those people he chooses to help. He neglected and beat the person who was closest to him and needed his help the most, and still I feel the need to want to help him get back to being the Paul I know is still under that violent, self-serving, shallow façade. Even if our marriage is ending through divorce, perhaps my help will stop him repeating his mistakes, someone else getting hurt, and him having to go through his life always looking for something and never getting it because of what he becomes. Ultimately he is the one who will suffer if he doesn’t accept the help being offered, not just by me as a friend, but by professional bodies more trained to deal with the problems he has.
Yep, I’ve gone from being annoyed at his recent escapades and comments to compassion, but I would hate to see him become a broken man for want of a little compassion and a little acceptance by Paul that he needs to take a good look at the way his life is heading if he doesn’t do something about it. I don’t know if the Paul I fell in love with is the “real” Paul, or whether that is the one that ultimately drove me away from him. I know which I would prefer, as the Paul I fell in love with was caring, considerate and generally a very nice person to be around. He was like that with me for so long that I put up with the nasty side for the remainder of our marriage together in the hope that one day the Paul I married would be dominant once again. Maybe he will, but by then I think it will be too late to salvage anything more than just a casual friendship from the ruins of our marriage.
If he’s going to complain and bitch, he should at least make sure he’s not doing worse first.
If he wants the garage key back, he can phone me and ask for it. He knows not to get his solicitor to write to mine, because I tend not to get those messages. He’s wasting his money, but that’s his call. I’ve already told him this, but he seems content to keep paying his solicitor to chase mine when he’s been told more than once that mine has a huge caseload, and isn’t going to speed up anything just for Paul and his snotty solicitor (OK, so it’s her secretary that was snotty to me on the phone, but you get the idea).
If he wants to complain about not being able to put stuff in the garage, he shouldn’t tell me that everything is in there so that I believe it’s OK for me to keep the key, as he won’t need it.
If he wants to complain about me not speaking till the end of Beltring and then after, he should replay in his mind the conversation where I told him that I wanted to speak, but the Bear stopped me saying that Paul probably didn’t want to speak to me. I spoke to Paul on the Tuesday when we got there, but got scowled at, and then blanked, so there you go. I made an attempt. He should also remember telling me that he didn’t want to speak to me anyway, and the strained “hi” was the only word he said he could possibly say to me there, and that was on the last night of the show. He managed to talk to me fine when it was wasting my phone credit however.
If he wants to complain about the content of any of my conversations at Beltring, let him. He’s probably referring to the conversation where I said I had quadrupled the number of times I’d had sex at Beltring, because in 7 years, he only managed to do it once (with me at least). I wasn’t aware he was in earshot or I would have said nothing, and Bear and I were very circumspect about our physical contact with each other at Beltring so as not to rub Paul’s nose in it, unlike some people who were busy eating a “model’s” face off in front of me. (She’s not a model. She’s just a wannabe)
If he wants to complain about me spending time under canvas with the Bear, he shouldn’t spend a “long time” in his tent with some bird at Beltring and shouldn’t have a “fat brunette” (direct quote from a friend of mine who was there, and someone else asked if she was his mother…) in his tent at his latest off road meet. He also shouldn’t have women (single, married… It seems he’s not fussy) round the house all the time, or be round seeing other women most nights he’s free. At least I’m sticking to one bloke, not shagging my way through the entire male population of my local area. I have nothing to prove.
If he wants to play coy about his sex life, let him, because people speak to me. They actually like me, and tell me things without prompting or me digging for information. I’ve heard enough about his sex life to keep me wondering WHY I would still take him back. Since leaving Paul, I’ve begun to think he needs to start looking at his friends and working out why, if they’re his friends, they tell me all this stuff. Also, if they’re his friends, why am I being told they’d rather have me around than him? Some have even said they only put up with him because of me, and I’m not just talking about my friends in Wales either. If he shut up about trains and work, not forgetting how much better he is at everything than everyone else, people might actually like him rather than him being the butt of jokes. For some reason, I’d like to try to re-educate him, but that’s because I’m a nice person, and it’s not nice to think he classes some people as friends, and they are just laughing behind his back. I did my share of that however, but I have a right, since husbands and wives make fun of each other occasionally.
If he wants to complain about the Bear, he can go right ahead. It’s no skin off Bear’s nose. He didn’t run off with me though and we had a perfectly good relationship forming while I still lived with Paul. That relationship with Bear was fine as it was. I didn’t need to (or want to) leave home, because I was happy with the way things were (I left purely because of the violence, not the Bear), and besides, leaving meant I had nowhere to go as Bear lives with his family. Paul should also remember that HE was the one that said I could get it elsewhere and that it was OK for me to have a relationship with the Bear.
If he wants to keep deluding himself that he is not at fault for me leaving, let him. He said he had been for counselling to deal with his temper problems, and if that were the case, his counsellor would have got him to admit his problem and the results of it (bruises and a nearly broken neck for me…). He would be able to face facts rather than living in an airy-fairy land.
If he wants to threaten me with a restraining order ten days after I had stopped speaking to him, let him try. I will respond with a libel suit for him calling me a stalker when I had left it to him to contact me and apologised for being keen about speaking to him.
If he wants to complain that one minute he’s the “Spawn of Satan” and the next minute I love him and want to continue the marriage, perhaps he has a lot to learn about love. (look it up petal… www.dictionary.com). I do still love him, but he’s got a nasty habit of doing things to hurt me, so he shouldn’t be too surprised that I call him names sometimes.
If he wants to compare our situation with that of my previous relationship, he should remember that D never lifted a finger to me, just to the furniture. He should also remember that I binned D because of his temper (a possible similarity there…) and D stayed in the house for a couple of weeks after, but I left Paul in a hurry. If it had been planned, I wouldn’t be sitting here working out how and when to fetch the remainder of my belongings. I’d have cleared the house of everything of mine when I went.
If he wants to accuse me of stealing paperwork, he’s more than welcome to send an impartial representative round here to search for it. No paperwork was thrown out or stolen by either the Bear or myself. It was put on shelves or beside his computer, if he cares to actually look for it. If he’s referring to the V5 for one of the vehicles, then I’ve not seen that since last August. He’d filled it out in his name for a vehicle that was supposed to be mine, and it was sat next to his computer monitor on a pile of other papers
If he wants to make accusations, comments and threats, he should not be such a coward and learn to say it to me directly rather than backstabbing me via his blog. (Yep, I just called you out Paul. Be a man and bring it on. If you raise a hand to me one more time, you’ll be locked up quicker than I can say: “mince”). He had the chance to air his grievances at Beltring, and since then, but he’s just whined in print on his blog.
If he wants to keep being the victim in everything, that’s his choice, not a way he HAS to live.
So why do I care? Well, it’s hard not to after being with him so long. He says he wants a settled life. Perhaps that’s all I want too. I’d love to have a settled life, but while I have all this mental garbage kicking around in my head, I’m not going to get one.
I think I’ll go get on with sewing. I have lots to do and can’t spend my entire life wrapped up in issues that Paul keeps dragging up. He wants a settled life, but then claims stalking and harassment and threatens restraining orders. He wants a settled life, but goads my best mate by accusing her of “help(ing) her (my) screaming inner demons” when all she’s done is comfort me, talk to me and actually encouraged me to try to sort out my marriage when he beat me black and blue. I was willing to sort it for the record. Paul didn’t seem interested. He wants a settled life, but while there is the possibility that I might decide to stop playing nice and go back to the police and continue the process started in Andover (The police wanted to follow it up then, but I was being too nice for my own good), then he’s not going to get one. He wants a settled life, but just opened himself up to prosecution for libel.
If he wants a settled life, he’s going to have to learn to play nice and stop blaming everyone else for something that’s entirely his fault. I would like a settled life, but ain’t going to get it while he’s being like this. We both want a settled life, so why not give each other what we both seem to need: explanations, answers, communication and above all understanding. I’m ready to listen, but it’s never been one of his strong points.
At the moment it seems to me that I am his only true friend (not counting his relatives), as I still like and love the Paul I married. Sadly that Paul has been covered by the violent wife-beater he became. He still dons his shining armour to help damsels in distress, but that’s only to play “hero” to those people he chooses to help. He neglected and beat the person who was closest to him and needed his help the most, and still I feel the need to want to help him get back to being the Paul I know is still under that violent, self-serving, shallow façade. Even if our marriage is ending through divorce, perhaps my help will stop him repeating his mistakes, someone else getting hurt, and him having to go through his life always looking for something and never getting it because of what he becomes. Ultimately he is the one who will suffer if he doesn’t accept the help being offered, not just by me as a friend, but by professional bodies more trained to deal with the problems he has.
Yep, I’ve gone from being annoyed at his recent escapades and comments to compassion, but I would hate to see him become a broken man for want of a little compassion and a little acceptance by Paul that he needs to take a good look at the way his life is heading if he doesn’t do something about it. I don’t know if the Paul I fell in love with is the “real” Paul, or whether that is the one that ultimately drove me away from him. I know which I would prefer, as the Paul I fell in love with was caring, considerate and generally a very nice person to be around. He was like that with me for so long that I put up with the nasty side for the remainder of our marriage together in the hope that one day the Paul I married would be dominant once again. Maybe he will, but by then I think it will be too late to salvage anything more than just a casual friendship from the ruins of our marriage.
posted by Me at 2:24 am
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