The Procrastinator Strikes Back…
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
OK, so it was earlier and in Birmingham… Stop being picky…
Anyway, I’m procrastinating again. I started sorting through all the stuff I hadn’t sorted through previously and am now sitting looking at a floor full of mess… Well, a few empty boxes and a couple of boxes of stuff that need to find a home. I could do with a loft space, but then I’d just fill it up and nothing would ever come down again till I moved house, same as every other loft/attic in the universe. When I get my own place, if it has a loft, I will make sure it is turned into accessible storage space for me to put things and still get at them. Meanwhile I will just have to find spaces to put things out the way, although the storage problems will be alleviated once I get my bed back and can store stuff under it, unlike my current bed with no storage space at all under it.
I’ve also managed to launder all my christening gowns, and have just a couple left to iron, then I’ll sort out either storage or sale of them. Once I’m a bit more organised, I shall be back to making them, since I now have a lot of my material back and have even organised it, as I said before. My next plan is to work out where to put some of the hangy-up stuff that I’ve retrieved from the garage. There’s a picture of cats and a couple of cross-stitch pictures, one done by my mum for my first marriage, and the other, which used to live above our bed, a cross-stitch heart that was given to Paul and me for a wedding present nearly 7 years ago now by friends from Germany. I think those ones will end up in the bedroom with the other cross-stitch pics and the cats may well end up in the toilet, since that’s where all my quirky stuff seems to end up.
There’s loads more in the garage to be sorted through, and I suspect a local charity shop may end up with a sizable donation in the not too distant future. There’s a lot of furniture in there that I don’t really have room for (although I could do with some of it) and a load of books that I was going to give to charity anyway as I was sorting through the house. I did have plans to be ruthless with myself and throw a whole lot out, but my sudden departure sort of put a stop to me doing that, and subsequent developments meant that Paul had to do it. I did offer to help, but I was turned down (well, the offer wasn’t taken up or mentioned afterwards). There’s still stuff of mine in the house according to Paul, but we will have to arrange to sort that out when he’s not busy, Bear’s not busy and I’m not skint.
I have been talking to Paul by text and phone calls, but sadly I was a little too over-eager and he felt a bit like I was stalking him. I think I was just pleased to be speaking to him again and overdid things a bit, so I have apologised for that and left it to him to contact me if he wants. We used to speak every day, even if it was just about his work or him being bored at work, and I hadn’t spoken to him for 9 months. I’ve written mails and texts and not sent them in the past and thought about phoning him, but didn’t. It was just nice to be able to speak to him again, even though he wasn’t being very communicative sometimes, especially on the phone, about how he is and how he’s getting on. I still care for him, and as have said, am still in love with the man I married, however I am now in a more realistic frame of mind, and have realised that he’s having more fun now I’m not there, and doesn’t need me or want me back as his partner. I’ve also realised that being away from him has softened my temperament, made me more open and communicative with people, and has started me on the road to being able to like myself and appreciate my own skills.
I’m very grateful as well to everyone who has supported me in the past and who are still offering their support, especially those who have had their own problems to deal with but have still made the time for me. I apologise if I was stubborn and annoying, selfish or seemed not to be listening at the time. I’m really glad that you lot persisted and stuck around (although it might just be morbid curiosity at what I’m going to do next that keeps you around… you know, like a bad film that you just can’t stop watching because you can’t believe it’s just that bad…) and I am blessed to have the friends I do. I’ve made about a handful of acquaintances around here, but so far no real friends. I think I’ve been leaving that while I’m in the state of mind I’m in at the moment, because I’m still agoraphobic at times (sometimes even going down to the hall to check the mail is a little too much for me and the street door is always locked so I know I’m safe, but just can’t face it) and the only time I go outside is onto the balcony at the back to smoke. I won’t smoke in the house because I dislike the smell of it, and I plan to give up once I’ve got myself sorted. It costs too much for a start, but it is my one bad habit, and I don’t think I need the stress of giving up cigarettes on top of the rest of the stress about divorce, money, my mental state and all the rest of it. At least it gets me out the house when I’m having one of those days where I can hardly even get out of bed, and having to go outside doesn’t half cut down my consumption of them, because half the time it’s raining, and I can’t be bothered getting wet…
Well, it’s now later in the day and I am still procrastinating about the stuff in the living room. Instead of tidying I have gone down to see the neighbours about the break-in at the garage last night, bought some more milk, entertained the Bear who turned up just as I came out the shop with the milk (we’ve been sat chatting for a while about photographs and stuff) and I just made food for both of us. We had scampi with sliced tinned potatoes fried with onion, garlic, parsley, crab sticks and a little salt and pepper. It was a very nice experiment in “Shit, what do I cook. I don’t have much in and the freezer just threw a wobbly and is defrosting and it looks like the stuff at the back may be only fit for the bin” but it seemed to work well. I must write it down somewhere… I was going to do savoury pancakes, but the mince was a funny shade of grey and I don’t have any eggs. The mince was the first indication that the freezer wasn’t working, and the soft bacon covered in big ice crystals was the second. Fortunately it only seems to be the back that’s affected, so the scampi and crabsticks were fine.
Ooooh… Someone is about to hate me… (Yes Angel, that would be you. Do try to keep from getting too green) I’M GOING ON THE QE2!!! Did I mention that before? I’m sure I did somewhere… My sister is putting in the chit for my cruise today. It’s not the one I’d hoped for, but it’s STILL A CRUISE ON THE QE2!!! HA! Suck on that one Bitch!!!! I’ll send you a postcard to make sure you’re jealous… Ten days of absolute luxury, swanning round in posh clothes, mingling with millionaires and famous people with fabulous food and lashings of ginger beer! Well, that might be a bit Enid Blyton, but apparently it’s rather nice with rum in it…
So that will be me getting four holidays this year… I had the fortnight at Beltring last month, I’m away for a weekend with one of my mates in a few weeks (I’m letting him pay for the hotel, although I might buy him an ice cream at the beach) I’m off on my CRUISE on the QE2 (did I mention that one? I’m sure I did at some point…) and the family (mummy, daddy and us two little sisters) have been invited to spend a few days round Christmas in Germany with friends.
Well, that was yesterday. The living room is looking much tidier, although not as clean as I like it I still have a load of tubs of sewing things to find homes for yet, as well as some books to sort through. I really need to sift through all my photos at some point as well and chuck out the rubbish ones, and then be ruthless with myself about the stuff I already have in my house. I’m just a little short of storage space, although I plan to rearrange things so I make the most of the shelves and things I’ve got already. I still think I need a bigger house…
Ah well, I’m going to Wales to help my mate with a load of sewing… I may manage to get online while I’m there if I can squeeze her off the computer or I’ll use her lappy or something. It wasn’t really planned so I’ve just been packing and need to finish this off for the Bear to post.
Another holiday! Wheeeeeee! That makes 5 this year, although I’m going to be sewing during this one. It’s still a break at the end of the day…
OK, so it was earlier and in Birmingham… Stop being picky…
Anyway, I’m procrastinating again. I started sorting through all the stuff I hadn’t sorted through previously and am now sitting looking at a floor full of mess… Well, a few empty boxes and a couple of boxes of stuff that need to find a home. I could do with a loft space, but then I’d just fill it up and nothing would ever come down again till I moved house, same as every other loft/attic in the universe. When I get my own place, if it has a loft, I will make sure it is turned into accessible storage space for me to put things and still get at them. Meanwhile I will just have to find spaces to put things out the way, although the storage problems will be alleviated once I get my bed back and can store stuff under it, unlike my current bed with no storage space at all under it.
I’ve also managed to launder all my christening gowns, and have just a couple left to iron, then I’ll sort out either storage or sale of them. Once I’m a bit more organised, I shall be back to making them, since I now have a lot of my material back and have even organised it, as I said before. My next plan is to work out where to put some of the hangy-up stuff that I’ve retrieved from the garage. There’s a picture of cats and a couple of cross-stitch pictures, one done by my mum for my first marriage, and the other, which used to live above our bed, a cross-stitch heart that was given to Paul and me for a wedding present nearly 7 years ago now by friends from Germany. I think those ones will end up in the bedroom with the other cross-stitch pics and the cats may well end up in the toilet, since that’s where all my quirky stuff seems to end up.
There’s loads more in the garage to be sorted through, and I suspect a local charity shop may end up with a sizable donation in the not too distant future. There’s a lot of furniture in there that I don’t really have room for (although I could do with some of it) and a load of books that I was going to give to charity anyway as I was sorting through the house. I did have plans to be ruthless with myself and throw a whole lot out, but my sudden departure sort of put a stop to me doing that, and subsequent developments meant that Paul had to do it. I did offer to help, but I was turned down (well, the offer wasn’t taken up or mentioned afterwards). There’s still stuff of mine in the house according to Paul, but we will have to arrange to sort that out when he’s not busy, Bear’s not busy and I’m not skint.
I have been talking to Paul by text and phone calls, but sadly I was a little too over-eager and he felt a bit like I was stalking him. I think I was just pleased to be speaking to him again and overdid things a bit, so I have apologised for that and left it to him to contact me if he wants. We used to speak every day, even if it was just about his work or him being bored at work, and I hadn’t spoken to him for 9 months. I’ve written mails and texts and not sent them in the past and thought about phoning him, but didn’t. It was just nice to be able to speak to him again, even though he wasn’t being very communicative sometimes, especially on the phone, about how he is and how he’s getting on. I still care for him, and as have said, am still in love with the man I married, however I am now in a more realistic frame of mind, and have realised that he’s having more fun now I’m not there, and doesn’t need me or want me back as his partner. I’ve also realised that being away from him has softened my temperament, made me more open and communicative with people, and has started me on the road to being able to like myself and appreciate my own skills.
I’m very grateful as well to everyone who has supported me in the past and who are still offering their support, especially those who have had their own problems to deal with but have still made the time for me. I apologise if I was stubborn and annoying, selfish or seemed not to be listening at the time. I’m really glad that you lot persisted and stuck around (although it might just be morbid curiosity at what I’m going to do next that keeps you around… you know, like a bad film that you just can’t stop watching because you can’t believe it’s just that bad…) and I am blessed to have the friends I do. I’ve made about a handful of acquaintances around here, but so far no real friends. I think I’ve been leaving that while I’m in the state of mind I’m in at the moment, because I’m still agoraphobic at times (sometimes even going down to the hall to check the mail is a little too much for me and the street door is always locked so I know I’m safe, but just can’t face it) and the only time I go outside is onto the balcony at the back to smoke. I won’t smoke in the house because I dislike the smell of it, and I plan to give up once I’ve got myself sorted. It costs too much for a start, but it is my one bad habit, and I don’t think I need the stress of giving up cigarettes on top of the rest of the stress about divorce, money, my mental state and all the rest of it. At least it gets me out the house when I’m having one of those days where I can hardly even get out of bed, and having to go outside doesn’t half cut down my consumption of them, because half the time it’s raining, and I can’t be bothered getting wet…
Well, it’s now later in the day and I am still procrastinating about the stuff in the living room. Instead of tidying I have gone down to see the neighbours about the break-in at the garage last night, bought some more milk, entertained the Bear who turned up just as I came out the shop with the milk (we’ve been sat chatting for a while about photographs and stuff) and I just made food for both of us. We had scampi with sliced tinned potatoes fried with onion, garlic, parsley, crab sticks and a little salt and pepper. It was a very nice experiment in “Shit, what do I cook. I don’t have much in and the freezer just threw a wobbly and is defrosting and it looks like the stuff at the back may be only fit for the bin” but it seemed to work well. I must write it down somewhere… I was going to do savoury pancakes, but the mince was a funny shade of grey and I don’t have any eggs. The mince was the first indication that the freezer wasn’t working, and the soft bacon covered in big ice crystals was the second. Fortunately it only seems to be the back that’s affected, so the scampi and crabsticks were fine.
Ooooh… Someone is about to hate me… (Yes Angel, that would be you. Do try to keep from getting too green) I’M GOING ON THE QE2!!! Did I mention that before? I’m sure I did somewhere… My sister is putting in the chit for my cruise today. It’s not the one I’d hoped for, but it’s STILL A CRUISE ON THE QE2!!! HA! Suck on that one Bitch!!!! I’ll send you a postcard to make sure you’re jealous… Ten days of absolute luxury, swanning round in posh clothes, mingling with millionaires and famous people with fabulous food and lashings of ginger beer! Well, that might be a bit Enid Blyton, but apparently it’s rather nice with rum in it…
So that will be me getting four holidays this year… I had the fortnight at Beltring last month, I’m away for a weekend with one of my mates in a few weeks (I’m letting him pay for the hotel, although I might buy him an ice cream at the beach) I’m off on my CRUISE on the QE2 (did I mention that one? I’m sure I did at some point…) and the family (mummy, daddy and us two little sisters) have been invited to spend a few days round Christmas in Germany with friends.
Well, that was yesterday. The living room is looking much tidier, although not as clean as I like it I still have a load of tubs of sewing things to find homes for yet, as well as some books to sort through. I really need to sift through all my photos at some point as well and chuck out the rubbish ones, and then be ruthless with myself about the stuff I already have in my house. I’m just a little short of storage space, although I plan to rearrange things so I make the most of the shelves and things I’ve got already. I still think I need a bigger house…
Ah well, I’m going to Wales to help my mate with a load of sewing… I may manage to get online while I’m there if I can squeeze her off the computer or I’ll use her lappy or something. It wasn’t really planned so I’ve just been packing and need to finish this off for the Bear to post.
Another holiday! Wheeeeeee! That makes 5 this year, although I’m going to be sewing during this one. It’s still a break at the end of the day…
posted by Me at 5:41 pm
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