Himself Part III
I'm annoyed again. Annoyed and upset. Pissed off possibly comes into it as well. Confused? Yup, that too.
The back story:
Well, you all know I've asked about having a hysterectomy, and up till the point where the doctor asked "If you could have children, would you want them?" I was fine with the whole aspect of not having kids. Because I couldn't. Because there was no way I could get pregnant without help of the IVF kind, and that has a really shitty success rate, and leads to a whole lot of disappointment when it doesn't work. I watched a friend have to go through it, and that was bad enough. I'm not about to wish that on myself. Hence me getting to the "don't want them, thanks" state of mind.
The question of "would I have them if I could" has been going through my mind a lot since the Doctor asked. My reply to her was no, but I'd not honestly thought about it before giving her that answer. I've been going through all the "what ifs"... What if they could do an op that would mean I could have kids naturally? What if they were wrong when they said I couldn't, and it would just take a little bit of tweaking to get everything to work right?
I can't go through it all on my own again. I did it once before when my then partner was about as supportive as a wet teatowel, and I don't want to do it again.
I asked a simple question this morning. I asked "Why don't you want kids?" Simple enough I would have thought, leading to a discussion, going through all his reasons and so on. He put something about it in his blog recently, and I know it's probably something he's discussed with other people, so why can't he sit and talk to me? I left it for a couple of hours and asked again if he would talk about it. His response was that I was pressuring him, and off he went, round to the neighbours. I locked the door behind him. Possibly not the best response, but it's about the only one I have right now short of having a fit of temper and shouting at him.
So, it's later on... He climbed in the bedroom window. I ended up saying a few things that perhaps I shouldn't, and now there's a bit of a stony silence in this house.
Not that silence, or at least a lack of communication between the two of us is a new thing. I just don't really feel like talking to him at the moment, especially when he refuses to acknowledge that I may have something I would like to discuss with himself.
Oh well. Silence is golden, or so they say. I'll just go quietly insane on my own while I have to sort out problems and issues on my own. Again. As usual.
Can you tell I'm really pissed off with this yet?
The back story:
Well, you all know I've asked about having a hysterectomy, and up till the point where the doctor asked "If you could have children, would you want them?" I was fine with the whole aspect of not having kids. Because I couldn't. Because there was no way I could get pregnant without help of the IVF kind, and that has a really shitty success rate, and leads to a whole lot of disappointment when it doesn't work. I watched a friend have to go through it, and that was bad enough. I'm not about to wish that on myself. Hence me getting to the "don't want them, thanks" state of mind.
The question of "would I have them if I could" has been going through my mind a lot since the Doctor asked. My reply to her was no, but I'd not honestly thought about it before giving her that answer. I've been going through all the "what ifs"... What if they could do an op that would mean I could have kids naturally? What if they were wrong when they said I couldn't, and it would just take a little bit of tweaking to get everything to work right?
I can't go through it all on my own again. I did it once before when my then partner was about as supportive as a wet teatowel, and I don't want to do it again.
I asked a simple question this morning. I asked "Why don't you want kids?" Simple enough I would have thought, leading to a discussion, going through all his reasons and so on. He put something about it in his blog recently, and I know it's probably something he's discussed with other people, so why can't he sit and talk to me? I left it for a couple of hours and asked again if he would talk about it. His response was that I was pressuring him, and off he went, round to the neighbours. I locked the door behind him. Possibly not the best response, but it's about the only one I have right now short of having a fit of temper and shouting at him.
So, it's later on... He climbed in the bedroom window. I ended up saying a few things that perhaps I shouldn't, and now there's a bit of a stony silence in this house.
Not that silence, or at least a lack of communication between the two of us is a new thing. I just don't really feel like talking to him at the moment, especially when he refuses to acknowledge that I may have something I would like to discuss with himself.
Oh well. Silence is golden, or so they say. I'll just go quietly insane on my own while I have to sort out problems and issues on my own. Again. As usual.
Can you tell I'm really pissed off with this yet?
posted by Me at 1:55 pm
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