... and this is now...
Well, so much for all that crap. The letter for the gynae appointment came through today, and frankly, I think it's my hormones making me all broody and temperamental about kids. I can happily say today that I know I'm a lot better off without them. It won't stop me thinking "what if" about the whole thing, but to be honest, my reasons were more of the "desperation to be immortal" type rather than the "I want a child of my own to love and cherish".
I know that you're thinking... "No one is immortal". Think about it again though. Think carefully. I talk about my parents a lot in the real world. I talk about my grandparents. My great grandfather was the cox of the Tobermory Lifeboat. It's his sisters that I get my hair colour from. My Grampa was the funniest man on the planet and my grandma and I hated each other, but it doesn't stop me talking about her. To me, they are immortal. They live on in my memory and that of my parents and sister. When I go, who takes on that role for me? Friends may mention me in passing occasionally. My sister will remember. If she has children, I will be an Aunt, but even aunties get sidetracked when you're talking about the past and relatives you had. Particularly if they've done nothing spectacular. My father's uncle wrote the flight manuals for Concorde. My Aunt is a writer. These are memorable things. Perhaps my christening gowns will be memorable. We will have to wait and see.
I look in the mirror and see my parents. I say things and think "I sound just like my Father" or "Oh no! I'm turning into my mum!" When I was younger, I went through the phase, as most of us do, of saying "I never want to be like them. I'm going to be different", but we all end up doing much the same, and our childhood scoldings come back and bite us when we use the exact same words to our children, or in my case, my friends' children. "No means no" and "go and tidy your room or I'll be up there tidying it into a black bin liner" seem to be two of my favourites at the moment.
So who do I have to pass "me" onto? That's the thing really. My sticking point. I am my parents, as they are their parents, and so on. We are all a product of our upbringing and have our views coloured accordingly. There is no future "me", which is possibly a relief to some, and being honest with myself, if I had children, and they turned out to be the same as I was when I was a child, I'd probably go insane. Unless I already am.
Ah well, so much for immortality. I shall make the call to the hospital and get my appointment arranged.
I know that you're thinking... "No one is immortal". Think about it again though. Think carefully. I talk about my parents a lot in the real world. I talk about my grandparents. My great grandfather was the cox of the Tobermory Lifeboat. It's his sisters that I get my hair colour from. My Grampa was the funniest man on the planet and my grandma and I hated each other, but it doesn't stop me talking about her. To me, they are immortal. They live on in my memory and that of my parents and sister. When I go, who takes on that role for me? Friends may mention me in passing occasionally. My sister will remember. If she has children, I will be an Aunt, but even aunties get sidetracked when you're talking about the past and relatives you had. Particularly if they've done nothing spectacular. My father's uncle wrote the flight manuals for Concorde. My Aunt is a writer. These are memorable things. Perhaps my christening gowns will be memorable. We will have to wait and see.
I look in the mirror and see my parents. I say things and think "I sound just like my Father" or "Oh no! I'm turning into my mum!" When I was younger, I went through the phase, as most of us do, of saying "I never want to be like them. I'm going to be different", but we all end up doing much the same, and our childhood scoldings come back and bite us when we use the exact same words to our children, or in my case, my friends' children. "No means no" and "go and tidy your room or I'll be up there tidying it into a black bin liner" seem to be two of my favourites at the moment.
So who do I have to pass "me" onto? That's the thing really. My sticking point. I am my parents, as they are their parents, and so on. We are all a product of our upbringing and have our views coloured accordingly. There is no future "me", which is possibly a relief to some, and being honest with myself, if I had children, and they turned out to be the same as I was when I was a child, I'd probably go insane. Unless I already am.
Ah well, so much for immortality. I shall make the call to the hospital and get my appointment arranged.
posted by Me at 12:40 pm
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