Long time, no blog
I've not been blogging... I've been sucked into a set of forums that have been keeping me amused, but have slowed down a fair bit recently. Possibly the "back to school" thing, although the vast majority are over school age. Anyway...
Life is pretty damn crap right now.
My friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was given chemo to try and extend his lifespan. I learned today that his body has rejected the chemo drugs, so he's now down to painkillers and waiting for the inevitable. It sucks. Hes a smashing bloke. I don't want him to die, but sadly, I don't get a say in that one. I have however promised him that there will be no unpleasantness between myself and Paul when the inevitable happens, as we will probably see each other at the funeral. I'm not going to be there for any other reason than to say goodbye to my friend and I doubt very much that I will have my mind on anything other than my friend.
In other news, I get the feeling that someone is having a laugh at my expense when it comes to the divorce. It is now stalled because his petition has not been recalled from Basingstoke court, and since it's still lodged, Birmingham cannot issue a Decree Nisi. I would have thought that his solicitors would have forseen this problem and recalled the petition when my solicitor agreed to make mention of it. Mind you, it means my solicitor has had to contact his solicitor, who will then have to contact Paul, who will have to instruct his solicitor to recall the petition, at which point his solicitors will have to recall the petition, then write to my solicitor to say it's been recalled. At that point I presume my petition will have to be resubmitted and join the queue again.
To say I'm feeling very defeated right now is an understatement. since I was told of this development, the nightmares have stepped up and I spent a good hour after reading the letter in tears of frustration that I am still tied to that man. It's like I am trapped. It's like I never left. It feels like he is still ruling my life, and the life I have because of this just keeps getting worse.
I can't sleep. I can't concentrate. I'm not eating properly because I have no appetite for proper food and snack on very little.
I'm getting to the point where I am failing to see a purpose in everything again if I am not going to be able to get away from Paul. I have no future as an independant person while I am legally bound to him, and that is dragging me down. I try to put a brave face on things, but to be honest, it's getting harder and harder to do that while my life is not under my own control. It is being determined by my husband still, and I am tired of living like this.
Paul B: Please sort it out. If you have any shred of decency left in you, please just get the divorce done with, because I cannot live like this any more. I can't work because of my health problems directly caused by the years of abuse and violence you subjected me to all coming to the fore in 2007. I have not been able to support myself for nearly two years. I am dependant on others for everything, and I don't want to live this way. You have a life, but I don't. Please. Let me have a life back before I don't have the will to keep on fighting.
Life is pretty damn crap right now.
My friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was given chemo to try and extend his lifespan. I learned today that his body has rejected the chemo drugs, so he's now down to painkillers and waiting for the inevitable. It sucks. Hes a smashing bloke. I don't want him to die, but sadly, I don't get a say in that one. I have however promised him that there will be no unpleasantness between myself and Paul when the inevitable happens, as we will probably see each other at the funeral. I'm not going to be there for any other reason than to say goodbye to my friend and I doubt very much that I will have my mind on anything other than my friend.
In other news, I get the feeling that someone is having a laugh at my expense when it comes to the divorce. It is now stalled because his petition has not been recalled from Basingstoke court, and since it's still lodged, Birmingham cannot issue a Decree Nisi. I would have thought that his solicitors would have forseen this problem and recalled the petition when my solicitor agreed to make mention of it. Mind you, it means my solicitor has had to contact his solicitor, who will then have to contact Paul, who will have to instruct his solicitor to recall the petition, at which point his solicitors will have to recall the petition, then write to my solicitor to say it's been recalled. At that point I presume my petition will have to be resubmitted and join the queue again.
To say I'm feeling very defeated right now is an understatement. since I was told of this development, the nightmares have stepped up and I spent a good hour after reading the letter in tears of frustration that I am still tied to that man. It's like I am trapped. It's like I never left. It feels like he is still ruling my life, and the life I have because of this just keeps getting worse.
I can't sleep. I can't concentrate. I'm not eating properly because I have no appetite for proper food and snack on very little.
I'm getting to the point where I am failing to see a purpose in everything again if I am not going to be able to get away from Paul. I have no future as an independant person while I am legally bound to him, and that is dragging me down. I try to put a brave face on things, but to be honest, it's getting harder and harder to do that while my life is not under my own control. It is being determined by my husband still, and I am tired of living like this.
Paul B: Please sort it out. If you have any shred of decency left in you, please just get the divorce done with, because I cannot live like this any more. I can't work because of my health problems directly caused by the years of abuse and violence you subjected me to all coming to the fore in 2007. I have not been able to support myself for nearly two years. I am dependant on others for everything, and I don't want to live this way. You have a life, but I don't. Please. Let me have a life back before I don't have the will to keep on fighting.
posted by Me at 5:31 pm
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