Dear Diary, I was slacking...
... And now I'm back. Sort of. I can't guarantee I'll write often in this, but you never know your (bad) luck.
Well, where to start...
Dear Diary,
It's been an interesting month and an interesting year all round. This month has been the mother of all months though. Let me see... What's been happening...
Well, on the job front, I didn't get the post I applied for. Didn't think I would, but on the flip side, they offered me a 6 to 12 month contract with a possible extension. Not bad really, and it will at least get me back to a proper job with proper paid holiday, and has flex time too, so I can work more some days and slouch off early on others. Good, huh? The job is virtually the same as the one I went for, although it's more of a general admin where the one I applied for is more project based. Good job I didn't get it really, since I know naff all about project work...
I went to see my gynae specialist after having an ultrasound probe stuffed where ultrasound probes shouldn't be allowed... She's due to have her baby next month by the way... Just the welcome sight you want to see when you're going in to ask for a hysterectomy because you can't have kids... I digress... Anyway, I was definitely up for having it all whipped out, what with having absolutely no use for it, and she goes and does something that just turned my whole world upside down.
One of the reasons I haven't blogged in a while is what she came out with. It turned my head to mush. I needed to talk to himself about what she said, but he was (as usual) on nights, so no talk. I went nearly spare waiting to be able to have time for a conversation with him, and eventually (after another argument because I was wound up and he was tired still) we managed it.
I then didn't blog because there were people I wanted to speak to first as well, because I didn't want my blog being the place they found out about it. I have reasons for this, and some readers will know why I made the choice to speak to them first rather than explain later. It just seemed a little callous to blog first and talk later to people that are more important to me than a web journal...
Anyway, the thing my gynae said that has thrown my life into disarray: IVF is possible and the NHS may be up for funding it. I'm apparently the perfect age for it too...
I've spent 7 years of my life saying to any who ask that I don't want kids. Mostly because I was told 7 years ago that to have kids I would have to have IVF and that it would cost me somewhere in the region of £1,700+ which I didn't have (and still don't). It seemed easier to get into the mindset of "don't want" rather than the heartbreaking "can't have" or rather "could have but can't afford the treatment". I also knew that himself had always said he didn't want kids, so the 10 days prior to talking to him about it were hell. The option was there, but what would he say? Would he want one? Would he not want one? How would I react to either statement? Did I really want one, or was I just getting my thoughts drowned out by a very loud ticking from my biological clock?
We talked. Well, actually he said "What do you want me to say" which is a bit different really... I told him I wanted him to tell me if he really didn't want kids because of what the gynae had said (I had pre-warned him and arranged to chat to him about it, so it wasn't a question out of the blue). He said he was "warming to the idea"...
A short-ish conversation later, and my life is completely upside down. I'm going to see the doc on Friday to ask if the Primary Care Trust will fund up to three courses of IVF treatment for me and himself. His parents are delighted, because they want to be grandparents and didn't think it would happen. Mine are pleased, because secretly I think they want revenge using nosy toys for years of audio-abuse that I put them through. My sister has already threatened to start knitting...
Oh, and I'm giving up smoking at new year. I'm a smoker. I admit it. It's a terrible addiction and I don't condone it in the slightest. I've got to the stage in my life where I want to give up. I've been a smoker for more than half my life now, and now I would like to be a parent, a non-smoking parent, a healthier person and have a clean house. I'm hoping that my willpower will last long enough to get over the nasty cravings and so on, and my neighbours are giving up at the same time, so there's a bit of moral support for all of us there. I'm giving up after New Year because we are all going to be outside having a laugh and a drink, and I know I won't be able to resist having a cig. Come new years day though, and whatever cigarettes I have left in the packet either go in the bin or get given to himself, since I doubt he will give up... No more smoking in the house though...
Well, I have big plans that are easy to achieve with a bit of willpower, a bit of medical help and a lot of luck. Some plans are easier though: my business for one, which has been taking a bit of a back seat what with work, kitchens and too much junk in the house. Sewing in the evenings will give me things to keep my idle hands busy and away from comfort eating to replace my smoking. Plus my cousin recently announced that she is expecting a baby in the summer and I will have a gown to make (as well as lots of little clothes) for spud when it puts in an appearance. I also have things to make for Miss E as well as a gown to mail to her in the very near future...
One step at a time though... Give up smoking, clean out the house, see the doc about possibilities for the future and get on with my sewing... I'll let you know how I get on.
Well, where to start...
Dear Diary,
It's been an interesting month and an interesting year all round. This month has been the mother of all months though. Let me see... What's been happening...
Well, on the job front, I didn't get the post I applied for. Didn't think I would, but on the flip side, they offered me a 6 to 12 month contract with a possible extension. Not bad really, and it will at least get me back to a proper job with proper paid holiday, and has flex time too, so I can work more some days and slouch off early on others. Good, huh? The job is virtually the same as the one I went for, although it's more of a general admin where the one I applied for is more project based. Good job I didn't get it really, since I know naff all about project work...
I went to see my gynae specialist after having an ultrasound probe stuffed where ultrasound probes shouldn't be allowed... She's due to have her baby next month by the way... Just the welcome sight you want to see when you're going in to ask for a hysterectomy because you can't have kids... I digress... Anyway, I was definitely up for having it all whipped out, what with having absolutely no use for it, and she goes and does something that just turned my whole world upside down.
One of the reasons I haven't blogged in a while is what she came out with. It turned my head to mush. I needed to talk to himself about what she said, but he was (as usual) on nights, so no talk. I went nearly spare waiting to be able to have time for a conversation with him, and eventually (after another argument because I was wound up and he was tired still) we managed it.
I then didn't blog because there were people I wanted to speak to first as well, because I didn't want my blog being the place they found out about it. I have reasons for this, and some readers will know why I made the choice to speak to them first rather than explain later. It just seemed a little callous to blog first and talk later to people that are more important to me than a web journal...
Anyway, the thing my gynae said that has thrown my life into disarray: IVF is possible and the NHS may be up for funding it. I'm apparently the perfect age for it too...
I've spent 7 years of my life saying to any who ask that I don't want kids. Mostly because I was told 7 years ago that to have kids I would have to have IVF and that it would cost me somewhere in the region of £1,700+ which I didn't have (and still don't). It seemed easier to get into the mindset of "don't want" rather than the heartbreaking "can't have" or rather "could have but can't afford the treatment". I also knew that himself had always said he didn't want kids, so the 10 days prior to talking to him about it were hell. The option was there, but what would he say? Would he want one? Would he not want one? How would I react to either statement? Did I really want one, or was I just getting my thoughts drowned out by a very loud ticking from my biological clock?
We talked. Well, actually he said "What do you want me to say" which is a bit different really... I told him I wanted him to tell me if he really didn't want kids because of what the gynae had said (I had pre-warned him and arranged to chat to him about it, so it wasn't a question out of the blue). He said he was "warming to the idea"...
A short-ish conversation later, and my life is completely upside down. I'm going to see the doc on Friday to ask if the Primary Care Trust will fund up to three courses of IVF treatment for me and himself. His parents are delighted, because they want to be grandparents and didn't think it would happen. Mine are pleased, because secretly I think they want revenge using nosy toys for years of audio-abuse that I put them through. My sister has already threatened to start knitting...
Oh, and I'm giving up smoking at new year. I'm a smoker. I admit it. It's a terrible addiction and I don't condone it in the slightest. I've got to the stage in my life where I want to give up. I've been a smoker for more than half my life now, and now I would like to be a parent, a non-smoking parent, a healthier person and have a clean house. I'm hoping that my willpower will last long enough to get over the nasty cravings and so on, and my neighbours are giving up at the same time, so there's a bit of moral support for all of us there. I'm giving up after New Year because we are all going to be outside having a laugh and a drink, and I know I won't be able to resist having a cig. Come new years day though, and whatever cigarettes I have left in the packet either go in the bin or get given to himself, since I doubt he will give up... No more smoking in the house though...
Well, I have big plans that are easy to achieve with a bit of willpower, a bit of medical help and a lot of luck. Some plans are easier though: my business for one, which has been taking a bit of a back seat what with work, kitchens and too much junk in the house. Sewing in the evenings will give me things to keep my idle hands busy and away from comfort eating to replace my smoking. Plus my cousin recently announced that she is expecting a baby in the summer and I will have a gown to make (as well as lots of little clothes) for spud when it puts in an appearance. I also have things to make for Miss E as well as a gown to mail to her in the very near future...
One step at a time though... Give up smoking, clean out the house, see the doc about possibilities for the future and get on with my sewing... I'll let you know how I get on.
posted by Me at 12:29 am
1 comments
