Life... It moves on
I'm a terrible blogger. I can't keep a diary. I can hardly even keep correspondence going unless it's via e-mail to my sister. I phone my parents on a weekly basis and spend a couple of hours on the phone to mum (ten minutes to dad if he answers... we never seem to talk much, but we don't seem to need to).
What to tell...
My kitchen is painted (and papered first to get rid of the nasty bumps and holes) and is looking a hundred times better. Shelving comes next, and then it's about done. Just a few tiles to spruce it up a little on the splashbacks and it's a complete kitchen (minus flooring, but I'll work on that one).
I've started making a sailor suit for a little boy who will be going to his mummy and daddy's wedding in the middle of next month. I have to measure him soon so I can make the little whitefront shirt and blue trousers. The Jacket is coming along, although working out a pattern for the square collar has been a bit of a pig... Must get buttons...
As for me... Well, I'm much the same, although around a lot less than I used to be. Evenings are spent with B&D two doors up for the most part. We watch shite on the telly or play games on the wii. It helps me not be so alone when himself is working nights/lates/shifts that mean he's not home much, or when he is home, asleep because he has to be up at 0430 the next day.
I have another appointment with the gynae people at the hospital on the 18th April. I'm not looking forward to it. Himself has said he will come with me so he can tell them what's been going on, because I find it hard sometimes to know what to say, or even to see what's really going on. He sees it all, and finds it hard to have to deal with it. I can't blame him really. It's hard enough being on this side of things without having to be on the outside, looking in and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I just want to know what they can do to fix it. The coil failed. Miserably. I don't know what the next step is, and I just hope someone will have some answers when we go to see them.
I feel like a medical mystery. Every time I have something wrong, I have the wrong symptoms. My hugely overactive thyroid saw me put on weight, not lose it like you're supposed to. I now have an underactive thyroid which is controlled with meds, so it does nothing, although while I wasn't being medicated for it, I lost a bit of weight instead of puting it on. My PCOS should have seen me have little or nothing in the way of periods, not the 3 or 4 month long epic ones I've had. I'm supposed to have more hair growth, particularly on my face, but I don't have that either. The fibroid should be doing something that it's not. That's probably why the PCOS and the fibroid weren't picked up till I had internal ultrasounds just recently. No one could tell I had them.
I just want answers and solutions, not people scratching their heads and saying "more tests". I've had so many needles shoved in my arm of late it's getting rediculous. I have permanent pock-marks in the crook of my right elbow where I've had so many blood tests. No one seems to know what to do with me, and in the meantime, I'm stuck in the middle wondering where my life went. I'm supposed to go get a smear test done as well at some point. I'm wondering whether my making an appointment for that will start the period up again, because it normally does. They won't do a smear if you're "on", so my last one was too long ago now.
I don't know yet if I've given up on the idea of having kids, although right now, it seems like everything that I have to go near a hospital for turns my life to hell. Is it worth it in the long run? How many times would I have to hear the words "No, sorry, not this time" if I went for the IVF? I seem to know my body better than the doctors at this point, because I have a feeling it would be encouraged (if I managed to fill their criteria) where everything else they have done has meant more time off work than I really needed for the procedure and nothing doing on the other end of it. Sure, I got rid of Eric, my useless lump on my thyroid, but it doesn't seem to have solved any of the medical problems I've had. They're all still there, the old symptoms, like sore feet and lethargy, weight gain and feeling thoroughly drained half the time.
Himself and I are improving, or at least it seems that way. We still don't talk nearly enough, and never seem to get into discussing serious stuff. It's all just flannel, bits about housework, decorating, the cats, the fish... Nothing serious.
There's been a couple of bright spots in there though... Work have just shifted me onto the payroll side of things, which I prefer and is making me more enthusiastic about my work. I've also just booked a week off work as holiday to go up to Scotland (back home) to the Jazz festival with my friend T, who is 70 and loves Jazz. We're off to the Jazz festival, staying with my parents, eating good home-cooked food, drinking too much (mostly courtesy of my dad I suspect) and staying out late listening to the music T used to go listen to in the big Jazz clubs in London.
That's something to look forward to. I best go see if I can book some tickets now...
What to tell...
My kitchen is painted (and papered first to get rid of the nasty bumps and holes) and is looking a hundred times better. Shelving comes next, and then it's about done. Just a few tiles to spruce it up a little on the splashbacks and it's a complete kitchen (minus flooring, but I'll work on that one).
I've started making a sailor suit for a little boy who will be going to his mummy and daddy's wedding in the middle of next month. I have to measure him soon so I can make the little whitefront shirt and blue trousers. The Jacket is coming along, although working out a pattern for the square collar has been a bit of a pig... Must get buttons...
As for me... Well, I'm much the same, although around a lot less than I used to be. Evenings are spent with B&D two doors up for the most part. We watch shite on the telly or play games on the wii. It helps me not be so alone when himself is working nights/lates/shifts that mean he's not home much, or when he is home, asleep because he has to be up at 0430 the next day.
I have another appointment with the gynae people at the hospital on the 18th April. I'm not looking forward to it. Himself has said he will come with me so he can tell them what's been going on, because I find it hard sometimes to know what to say, or even to see what's really going on. He sees it all, and finds it hard to have to deal with it. I can't blame him really. It's hard enough being on this side of things without having to be on the outside, looking in and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I just want to know what they can do to fix it. The coil failed. Miserably. I don't know what the next step is, and I just hope someone will have some answers when we go to see them.
I feel like a medical mystery. Every time I have something wrong, I have the wrong symptoms. My hugely overactive thyroid saw me put on weight, not lose it like you're supposed to. I now have an underactive thyroid which is controlled with meds, so it does nothing, although while I wasn't being medicated for it, I lost a bit of weight instead of puting it on. My PCOS should have seen me have little or nothing in the way of periods, not the 3 or 4 month long epic ones I've had. I'm supposed to have more hair growth, particularly on my face, but I don't have that either. The fibroid should be doing something that it's not. That's probably why the PCOS and the fibroid weren't picked up till I had internal ultrasounds just recently. No one could tell I had them.
I just want answers and solutions, not people scratching their heads and saying "more tests". I've had so many needles shoved in my arm of late it's getting rediculous. I have permanent pock-marks in the crook of my right elbow where I've had so many blood tests. No one seems to know what to do with me, and in the meantime, I'm stuck in the middle wondering where my life went. I'm supposed to go get a smear test done as well at some point. I'm wondering whether my making an appointment for that will start the period up again, because it normally does. They won't do a smear if you're "on", so my last one was too long ago now.
I don't know yet if I've given up on the idea of having kids, although right now, it seems like everything that I have to go near a hospital for turns my life to hell. Is it worth it in the long run? How many times would I have to hear the words "No, sorry, not this time" if I went for the IVF? I seem to know my body better than the doctors at this point, because I have a feeling it would be encouraged (if I managed to fill their criteria) where everything else they have done has meant more time off work than I really needed for the procedure and nothing doing on the other end of it. Sure, I got rid of Eric, my useless lump on my thyroid, but it doesn't seem to have solved any of the medical problems I've had. They're all still there, the old symptoms, like sore feet and lethargy, weight gain and feeling thoroughly drained half the time.
Himself and I are improving, or at least it seems that way. We still don't talk nearly enough, and never seem to get into discussing serious stuff. It's all just flannel, bits about housework, decorating, the cats, the fish... Nothing serious.
There's been a couple of bright spots in there though... Work have just shifted me onto the payroll side of things, which I prefer and is making me more enthusiastic about my work. I've also just booked a week off work as holiday to go up to Scotland (back home) to the Jazz festival with my friend T, who is 70 and loves Jazz. We're off to the Jazz festival, staying with my parents, eating good home-cooked food, drinking too much (mostly courtesy of my dad I suspect) and staying out late listening to the music T used to go listen to in the big Jazz clubs in London.
That's something to look forward to. I best go see if I can book some tickets now...
posted by Me at 6:37 pm
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